Everything changed

Today I've changed my ringtone -

an omen for new chapter

while some girls cut their hair,

I don't repeat such mistakes...

I've picked the song you couldn't stand

the one you mocked when it played

today I love it even more

it makes me happy with each call

Since I've stopped doing nails

I wear them boring and plain 

just the way you hate it,

small things bring change.

I got better I got smarter

like the women you dishonored

the ones you were afraid of

cause it was never you they cared for...

I've loved since those days

I've loved more than before

and I don't have to bother

what could be, what's it for.

Since I've met my freedom

in tiny moments, to this age

I could never go back

I could never love the cage.

Lady K Quilts, Madonna art (Ray of light)

111

I'll tell you a story

that hit me from the sky

a full heart in my coffee

without knowing why

an unexpected longing

that made me feel so sad

for all of the reasons

I just can't explain. 

It is not of me

It is not mine

yet the way it consumes me

it's almost cruel and unkind. 

The magic keeps flowing

it fills my early mornings

and I've quit chain smoking

I've quit worse than any high.

So when they say I've never had it

or how I've chosen safety gates

I just choke in the face

of what they call love and fate...

It's not of me

It's not mine

Or is it 

Am I that unkind

Bliss

I've heard ''keep it to yourself''

so I've swallowed knife in silence

I pretended I was hungry

I broke the iron bars.

I've escaped the boring questions

I woke up in different colors

the rain could not wash them 

so I prayed they would not last.

The floor went shaking slowly

my heart was beating fast

2 AM in the morning

it played Jumping Jack Flash. 

The music sounded holy

I felt bliss after the pain

but was that really glory,

heartbeats made of blade.

Discernment

The spirit of light                      ❤                                       The spirit of dark

                                                     Makes you....

peaceful                                                                                             inadequate
motivated                                                                                           careless               

thankful                                                                                            drained                                            

clear                                                                                                 insecure

safe                                                                                                  confused
capable                                                                                              cold
active                                                                                                passive
open                                                                                                  jealous
wise                                                                                                   persuasive   

free                                                                                                   dishonest

brave                                                                                                 manipulative

generous                                                                                             aggressive

present                                                                                               superficial

patient                                                                                               hungry for attention          

gentle                                                                                                 fearful

honest                                                                                                addicted                                            

worthy                                                                                                inconsistent
love oriented                                                                                        self  oriented
faithful                                                                                               gossip

simple                                                                                                 unreliable   

creative                                                                                              dependent

calm                                                                                                   exagerated  

willing                                                                                                 ashamed

dedicated                                                                                             deviant

  

Let the 2024. be the year of  wise discernment. If that means we should abandon some of the old relations and patterns, so let it be. It's the only way to give space to the new light. It might be enough to draw clear lines between you and some of your surrounding, instead of erasing every interaction completely. It's time to learn to handle life as it is and be who we are. It's time to make ourselves unlovable for everyone. When discerning in relations, some of of these states of spirit stay with us long after certain interactions and we pass it on to other relations. This is where we need to stop and reflect where do these feelings and thoughts come from. Sometimes we won't get the instant answers, but in time, truth will come to us. Dark is very clever but it's methods don't change ever. ''If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.'' This might warn us not to engage and adopt to the spirit of the dark, because once we show we are suitable target, it won't stop. We might slowly become the vessels of it too. The goal is to break the chain. Move away, do not engage. Do not feed it. Offering ourselves when motivated by the spirit of light makes us grow in power, not disappear. That's discernment. Let the year 2024. be all new and strong in light.