Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Everything changed

Today I've changed my ringtone -

an omen for new chapter

while some girls cut their hair,

I don't repeat such mistakes...


I've picked the song you couldn't stand

the one you mocked when it played

today I love it even more

it makes me happy with each call


Since I've stopped doing nails

I wear them boring and plain 

just the way you hate it,

small things bring change.


I got better I got smarter

like the women you dishonored

the ones you were afraid of

cause it was never you they cared for...


I've loved since those days

I've loved more than before

and I don't have to bother

what could be, what's it for.


Since I've met my freedom

in tiny moments, to this age

I could never go back

I could never love the cage.



Lady K Quilts, Madonna art (Ray of light)




Wednesday, January 17, 2024

111

I'll tell you a story
that hit me from the sky
a full heart in my coffee
without knowing why
an unexpected longing
that made me feel so sad
for all of the reasons
I just can't explain. 

It is not of me
It is not mine

yet the way it consumes me
it's almost cruel and unkind. 

The magic keeps flowing
it fills my early mornings
and I've quit chain smoking
I've quit worse than any high.
So when they say I've never had it
or how I've chosen safety gates
I just choke in the face
of what they call love and fate...

It's not of me
It's not mine

Or is it 
Am I that unkind












Saturday, January 6, 2024

Bliss

I've heard ''keep it to yourself''
so I've swallowed knife in silence
I pretended I was hungry
I broke the iron bars.
I've escaped the boring questions
I woke up in different colors
the rain could not wash them 
so I prayed they would not last.
The floor went shaking slowly
my heart was beating fast
2 AM in the morning
it played Jumping Jack Flash. 
The music sounded holy
I felt bliss after the pain
but was that really glory,
heartbeats made of blade.








Tuesday, January 2, 2024

Discernment

The spirit of light                      ❤                                       The spirit of dark

                                                     Makes you....



peaceful                                                                                             inadequate
motivated                                                                                           careless               
thankful                                                                                            drained                                            
clear                                                                                                 insecure
safe                                                                                                  confused
capable                                                                                              cold
active                                                                                                passive
open                                                                                                  jealous
wise                                                                                                   persuasive   
free                                                                                                   dishonest
brave                                                                                                 manipulative
generous                                                                                             aggressive
present                                                                                               superficial
patient                                                                                               hungry for attention          
gentle                                                                                                 fearful
honest                                                                                                addicted                                            
worthy                                                                                                inconsistent
love oriented                                                                                        self  oriented
faithful                                                                                               gossip
simple                                                                                                 unreliable   
creative                                                                                              dependent
calm                                                                                                   exagerated  
willing                                                                                                 ashamed
dedicated                                                                                             deviant
  


Let the 2024. be the year of  wise discernment. If that means we should abandon some of the old relations and patterns, so let it be. It's the only way to give space to the new light. It might be enough to draw clear lines between you and some of your surrounding, instead of erasing every interaction completely. It's time to learn to handle life as it is and be who we are. It's time to make ourselves unlovable for everyone. When discerning in relations, some of of these states of spirit stay with us long after certain interactions and we pass it on to other relations. This is where we need to stop and reflect where do these feelings and thoughts come from. Sometimes we won't get the instant answers, but in time, truth will come to us. Dark is very clever but it's methods don't change ever. ''If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.'' This might warn us not to engage and adopt to the spirit of the dark, because once we show we are suitable target, it won't stop. We might slowly become the vessels of it too. The goal is to break the chain. Move away, do not engage. Do not feed it. Offering ourselves when motivated by the spirit of light makes us grow in power, not disappear. That's discernment. Let the year 2024. be all new and strong in light.