36

• Ceux qui ne peuvent pas rire avec toi quand tu gagne sont plus dangereux que ceux qui ne pleurent pas avec toi
• Si vous voulez savoir si la personnalité de quelqu'un est potentiellement malveillante, faites l'attention comment on se comporte dans les situations où un gain de matière est distribué: un plat, l'argent, un prix, une poste d’entreprise. Les gens ne peuvent pas respecter et piétiner les autres en même temps
• Le pardon est la partie la plus belle et la plus égoïste de l’humanité, aussi la plus difficile à atteindre
• Là où il y a un rôle de suprématie humaine, il n’y a pas de spiritualité
• Celui qui se dépêche avec les cadeaux, facturera pour chaque emballage 
• Le plus grand défi de l’amitié féminine est l’envie, le plus grand défi de l’amitié masculine est la passivité
• Le temps en réalité ne signifie rien, sauf qu’il nous pèse
• Le salaire vient toujours et ne connaît pas d'heure ni les lois de la physique
• Plus une personne est désagréable envers les autres, plus elle est dépendante d’eux
• Les plus agressifs et suffisants sont ceux qui n'ont pas la capacité de concevoir l'entendue du potentiel humain. Les personnalités malades ne manquent jamais de confiance en soi
• Les grands ne voient pas ceux qui grandissent comme une menace
• Trop de paroles équivaut à une absence d'intégrité et des actes
• Les gens dont la présence est agréable sans effort sont les perles de ce monde
• Rien n’est permanent dans la vie d'une personne, ni la prospérité ni la pauvreté
• Les gens qui vivent le vrai bonheur le gardent soigneusement  contre de regards affamés
• Les plus inconsolables sont ceux qui ont grandi dans le seul but de devenir riche et important. Ils ne se retrouvent jamais
• Les réseaux sociaux révèlent les faiblesses surtout de ceux qui tentent le plus de les cacher 
• Les gens ne mûrissent pas éternellement avec l’âge. Après un certain point, il n'est possible que de revenir en arrière. On revient enfin à son être originel
• La compétition est la triste vérité des perdus
• Si vous possédez des qualités à l'intérieur et à l’extérieur, les relations avec les gens ne seront pas faciles pour vous. Si vous ne les cultivez pas, vous ne serez pas faciles avec vous-même
• La sensibilité et la transparence sont un défaut pour l'instant et une arme pour la vie
• Personne n’a réalisé quelque chose tout seul. Nous sommes des êtres interdépendants. Celui qui ne sait pas être reconnaissant ne survit pas à son succès
• Aucune intention ne passe inaperçue. Aucun personnage ne supporte le déguisement pour longtemps. Aucune œuvre ne reste cachée dans le noir pour toujours
• Le mal n'est jamais une affaire du moment et de circonstances. Notre comportement, nos paroles et nos actions, ont peu à voir avec les autres
• La bienveillance n'humilie jamais et n'a aucune raison d'avoir honte 
• Un persistant besoin de contrôle et un consentement à la peur sont les ennemis de la vie
• La Vrai Fois est la grâce et la liberté, par opposition à l'agression et arrogance
• Les choses les plus puissantes sont invisible à l'œil 
• Ceux qui n'ont pas encore pris conscience de l'importance de la culture et de l'art, s'en rendront compte au moment opportun
• Un fort boost d'ego est un signal de danger et d'une rue latérale 
• Ne faites pas confiance à ceux qui doutent toujours des intentions des autres
• La simplicité extérieure (l'apparence et les mots) est le reflet d'un intérieur pur 
• Si vous demandez si vous imaginez quelque chose, ce n'est probablement pas le cas
• Ce que nous soulignons constamment sur nous-mêmes, nous essayons d'en faire la vérité
• Il y a beaucoup plus de sectes dans la société qu'on ne le pense. Dans chaque secte, il y a des gens qui sont des moyens et des gens qui utilisent des moyens
• Le choix existe dans chaque situation

Discernment

The spirit of light                      ❤                                       The spirit of dark

                                                     Makes you....

peaceful                                                                                             inadequate
motivated                                                                                           careless               

thankful                                                                                            drained                                            

clear                                                                                                 insecure

safe                                                                                                  confused
capable                                                                                              cold
active                                                                                                passive
open                                                                                                  jealous
wise                                                                                                   persuasive   

free                                                                                                   dishonest

brave                                                                                                 manipulative

generous                                                                                             aggressive

present                                                                                               superficial

patient                                                                                               hungry for attention          

gentle                                                                                                 fearful

honest                                                                                                addicted                                            

worthy                                                                                                inconsistent
love oriented                                                                                        self  oriented
faithful                                                                                               gossip

simple                                                                                                 unreliable   

creative                                                                                              dependent

calm                                                                                                   exagerated  

willing                                                                                                 ashamed

dedicated                                                                                             deviant

  

Let the 2024. be the year of  wise discernment. If that means we should abandon some of the old relations and patterns, so let it be. It's the only way to give space to the new light. It might be enough to draw clear lines between you and some of your surrounding, instead of erasing every interaction completely. It's time to learn to handle life as it is and be who we are. It's time to make ourselves unlovable for everyone. When discerning in relations, some of of these states of spirit stay with us long after certain interactions and we pass it on to other relations. This is where we need to stop and reflect where do these feelings and thoughts come from. Sometimes we won't get the instant answers, but in time, truth will come to us. Dark is very clever but it's methods don't change ever. ''If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.'' This might warn us not to engage and adopt to the spirit of the dark, because once we show we are suitable target, it won't stop. We might slowly become the vessels of it too. The goal is to break the chain. Move away, do not engage. Do not feed it. Offering ourselves when motivated by the spirit of light makes us grow in power, not disappear. That's discernment. Let the year 2024. be all new and strong in light.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

  

Promises they've given us

• You will search forever for an alphabet missing, a place, a song, a soul. There will be moments of clarity and people who will help you save your faith. 
• You will understand many, not many will understand you. Those who do will feel like a family sent in right moments. You will know them.
• Some will get to hate you for seeing them. 
• To cry is to clean yourself, and you will cry easily. Don't close the flow or you'll get flooded with things others don't have to process.
• The need to find the right coping mechanisms for incoming informations and emotions is your basic need. It means you can choose either destruction or healing, there is no in between.
• You will learn to hold on to your truth when gaslighted, through life experience and pain. Other important lessons are acceptance, patience and forgiveness. 
• Every soul has a purpose. Your purpose is connected to bringing stuff to light while breaking ties and your own heart. 
• You will get angry, you will walk through it on your own. There is no pain or injustice bigger than God's promise.
• Nothing and everything matters. You'll feel like walking contradiction and such is the truth.
• The source is love and through love you'll rember. 
• Don't bother explaining it. 

Art by Sofia Golovanova - Grimes

Transparency

• You're not sensitive, you're aware of  your surrounding.

• You're not slow, you're in your own process.

• You're not resentful, you have boundaries.

• You're not detached, you're at more places at once.

• You're not complicated, you see many outcomes.

• You're not quiet, you hear more than words.

• You're not boring, you're bored by emptiness.

• You're not a loner, you see through masks.

• You're not picky, you don't like shelves.

• You're not fearful, you're humble.

• You're not selfish, you acknowledge yourself.

• You're not weird, you refuse affectation. 

• You're not reactive, you're alive.

34

 Things I've learnt so far

• First impression is more often true than we tend to admit
• Body is one of the portals to our soul and a memory keeper
• You will attract people not only by what you need, but by what they need also... 
• When you feel like you might need help, you do. God shows us the path at the right time, but you alone are responsible to take it. 
• if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it is a duck. 
• Most lies people tell are the lies they tell themselves
• Dishonesty and self-righteousness are the main enemies to human relations
• Sometimes people worship animals because animals are the only creatures who can silently tolerate their lack of human compassion 
• Money isn't the key to freedom, class, love, wisdom and doesn't always equal to talent and effort
• You can't buy or sell the living truth
• People and life have been the same from the beginning of the time
• Evil loves to copy the beauty of truth
• Truth always comes to surface and wins
• Nothing can pass without consequence 
• One year is usually the longest period someone can hold on to pretending and fooling others
• Spiritual world is real
• Subconscious patterns recognize each other
• Things happen in spiritual world before they happen here
• There are two ways to living: ego oriented and God oriented. The first one is draining and addictive, the second one is calming and inspiring
• Sometimes your moral duty is to break people's rules
• Dark things hide in dark
• A disease never comes alone
• No obsession is healthy, not even the obsession to stay healthy
• Never underestimate the power of propaganda
• Never trust people based on how confident they are in what they say and believe in
• Never fully trust people, but try to love them
• Love yourself the way you are loved by God
• Humility test is the easiest test for the authenticity of a graceful soul
• Don't force anything
• Don't give too much credit to your current mood, it might change the next second
• People's words and actions are not your responsibility
• Life is pain. Learn to accept the heavy side of life, otherwise you will fall into abyss of self pity and hate
• Gratefulness is love
• Prayer is powerful 

There's power in repetition

Reminder - there are people on this Earth who live exclusively for the feeling of power. A power over other people, a sense of control which they lack in their own personal and inner life (as many other essential things). It's been a long time since I've experienced a true attack on the spirit. I'm humbled by it and grateful for it cause I'm reminded again not to take for granted myself and all the healthy relationships I cherish in my life. 

These are some of the basic methods  the power craving individuals love to use to bruise a human spirit they find inconvenient to their agenda:

- gaslighting - making you question what has really happened - a ''gaslighter'' tells the story  involving your presence. Involving You. It's usually denial and distortion of what really happened, but repeated so many times with such confidence that the one who's being gaslighted starts to question if the lie really was true. With the false version, the abuser wants to seriously disturb and confuse a person's perception, and sometimes to win over the possible audience.

- shaming - be it in a very open manner, or wrapped in good intentions, people who shame others tend to put focus on both psychological and physical aspect of the targets' being - how you appear, talk, dress, express yourself. They will focus on something they sense might trigger you, because humiliation is their mere aim. If it happens in a more personal environment, it's more of a aggressive and direct one-on-one interaction. On the other hand, in more professional environment, it could be shaming in front of a certain audience, wrapped in false good intentions and professional evaluation. But it's always, and I mean always personal, never truly related to solving actual problems and challenges. 

- ghosting - this often happens when a target seems distant, reserved or unbothered. Person who tries to gain power over a group of people, or a person, might voluntary choose someone to be excluded from the daily occasions/events. It might be friendly group gatherings, online group chats, professional meetings/gatherings, decision management, etc. It's made to be obvious to the person excluded and not the others, and it happens occasionally and regularly. The abuser enjoys the implemented culture of distrust and unheathy relations. 

- victim playing - when threatened to be exposed in front of a relevant audience, these people turn the tables other way around while trying to  bring out all the reasons why they should be the victim and present themselves as someone who had an extra hard time and therefore should be justified in all of their possible wrongs. This happens as prevention attempt or as a defense attempt. They do it so well that people who have been traumatized in their presence don't get the real opportunity to even tell their story, when the person playing the victim does it so well that their new personality is unrecognizable to the their victims. 

Are you or have you been the victim?

In your home, at work, anywhere, you shouldn't be:

- physically and psychologically ill from a person's presence or at the very thought of it

- threatened to speak up

- mocked when speaking up

- questioned and tested 24-7 

- over-invested in collecting written and other evidence to defend your ethic/morals

- interrupted in your doings/schedule without any consideration of your needs, timeline and situation

- exposed to public questioning and discussion, often related to individual/personal matter 

- exposed to any kind of aggression, disrespecting and patronizing attitudes

- interrupted intentionally for the silent treatment 

- constantly receiving orders that have no objective connection to the actual context or role division

- receiving contradictory messages and instructions repeatedly

- constantly forced to face and solve irrational demands and complaints

- monitored and stalked 

- blackmailed emotionally, socially, financially, or in any kind of way

- ignored in your needs and efforts

- losing autonomy over your life over a certain person, institution or group of people

- forced to be putting aside your moral integrity

- threatened to affirm your own dignity and basically human rights 

- part of the atmosphere of fear

What happens when you speak out?

Often the violator is a person in a position of power. 

The smaller the community and the poorer its conditions, the more power such person holds. 

A whole group usually fears the consequences, so there is often no group support or any kind of formal and informal protection. Traumatic experience is now reinforced leading a victim to a state of more fear and isolation. Especially if the violator plays the game of abusing vs favorizing, which would lead weak individuals into false sense of competence and personal success when favored over others, preferring to stay in such position instead of risking it. On the other hand, a victim might finally chose to completely get away from the violator and toxic environment, but that can cause other complications such as social status or financial issues, all depending on the exact individual situation. The violators often reclaim their righteousness by accusing or describing their victims as unstable, even mentally ill, while the victims on the other hand had been already shaken and drained by their abuse and might need professional help, which suits violator's agenda, again. A person must definitely find external and maybe personal support to protect the self and not get invested in such dangerous game these mentally deranged people create through all of their lives. A person must understand that whatever feelings come out from such abuse are normal and part of the processing of what has happened. In short, it's a human spirit abuse - a low punch. It gives spiritual high to the attacker. When understanding what is really happening here, we can protect our spirit and stay out of the hunger games if possible. Focus on You. Speak up to help.

How does it really feel?

It feels like a spiritual rape. Sometimes you get disoriented for days, kind of shaky. You might find it's hard to enjoy the life as usual and seek necessary comfort in isolation. Tears might come up in intervals suddenly, as you clean yourself from the inside. You feel as you've lost your typical courage and even identity. Good news, it's all temporary. It can last one day and sometimes it can last for years. The more you speak of it, the more you understand it, the faster you heal. Sometimes the abuse happens in such fine implicit ways that this important part of the healing becomes too hard to reach. People might not understand you or might find you overexaggerating. This is where psychotherapy and professionals might do wonders. Don't be afraid to seek for the answers and help on different sides. You deserve to get yourself out of that artificial narrative. In the end it's most important that you alone understand how the spiritual harvest functions so you can become unbothered and strong in your personal truth. Your aim is not to take revenge and fall back into their hunger game. That's what they crave for, constantly. And even though the term victim has become offensive/inappropriate in such topics, I continue to choose it because being a survivor doesn't deny the fact that these empty human shells prudently, constantly and systematically victimize others. Often without any social consequences. Their victims on the other hand suffer from different kinds of consequences, while investing their precious time into simply reclaiming their natural human rights and true potential. Let's not ignore the fact people actually do get seriously ill in such dehumanizing environments. 

Conclusion...

In my experience and experiences being shared with me, most of described applies to working environment - people in top charge of companies and institutions, of various fields and incomes. Young women are common targets, while the roles of the abusers apply to both men and women. Women tend to disrespect and abuse women a lot more than expected, even when equal in hidden hierarchy, while public still prefers to speak only of the men who use their position of power when crossing certain boundaries. The more frustrated, ignorant, incompetent or unstable person in charge, the more possibility of the collective suffering, regardless of the age, sex and work ethic.

We can find toxic behaviors anywhere: in intimate relationships, partnership, marriage, family relations or any groups of common interest - it's where people tend to celebrate loyalty and responsibility, but are unable to choose a simple exit if needed for their own peace and safety. In the simplest term, we could speak of cults.

What we can all do is speak out for each other and offer any kind of support. You never know where your words might bring fruit and save someone's day. We must keep spreading the knowledge of what is happening here and there. Taking care of our human rights should not be an act of bravery, but an act of sanity.

Two-eyed blindness

Once upon a time,

there was a lost little boy who had no family, no home, no clothes, no food, no memory. One sweet lady found him crying in the woods. She never had children of her own, and when she realized the boy needed help,  she saw it as her mission to take care of him as a mother. The lady lived in wealthy castle and was very loved in her village. She helped those in need and even saved some lives. She knew stuff about the sky, world, sea, plants, people, love. People called her all seeing Mary, but Mary was blind to one thing - the lost and found boy she named Toto. The older Toto got, the more he became unpredictable and sneaky. He would take Mary's coins from her purse while she was sleeping and bought stuff such as card games and jewelry.  He would steal from the peasants too. Sometimes he threatened and blackmailed them. Men and women stayed away from Toto and Mary. In the beginning, friends tried to warn Mary not to trust Toto completely, but Mary would get angry at them and turn into a different woman. Very soon even Mary's looks changed, she started to look more drained and her eyes became two black dots. Toto knew he gained the power over her and used it in all ways possible. One day, all grown up Toto came up with a plan - he will convince Mary to move away from the castle to a small cottage in the woods so that he could take over the castle, play cards and enjoy drinks, bring over women and so called friends. He just had to convince Mary that he had good reasons for that. He told her - Mother, you are getting old. You cannot walk anymore as you used to, and this castle is full of dangerous stairs and heights. I decorated the cottage in the woods just for you so you could live a healthier life, surrounded by your plants and animals you love so much. I will take care of this old castle, and you too of course. - Mary, blind as always to her son, smiled and accepted his idea, oblivious to the fact that her stomach was in pain just when Toto spoke to her. She moved to the cottage very soon and Toto carried his plan to the very end. The castle became the circus, a vanity fair. Mary on the other hand had no visitors in the woods, not even Toto. Her cottage was dark and cold. Friends distanced from her, intolerant of her blindness to wicked ways of her son. She simply wasn't the same sweet lady everyone once knew. And though she lived  most of her life as humanitarian and a true friend to all, she died poor and alone in denial of the truth that was obvious to everyone but her, all seeing Mary. Toto lost everything to gambling and the castle became a foreigners residence. He was banished from the village and died in the woods where he was once saved as a child.

Some morals of this short depressing story:

- ''Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." – KJV, Matthew 7:6.

- Giving as in materialstic context is not always a blessing to a person's soul: choose to nurture the soul before nurturing anything else

- Do not underestimate your friend's wisdom and overestimate your own ways

- Love unconditionally, but wisely

- Boundaries are our responsibility as much as kindness

- Respecting and seeing the other without seeking benefit is the omen of uncorrupted heart

- Be protective of your power source and aware when you're losing it (and why)

- People we spend a lot of time with determine us in a lot of ways, choose them wisely

- What you sow is what you reap, no matter how long it may last

- Sin attracts sin

- We define who we are through our actions, not words

- words don't have purpose for those who don't have capacity to listen 

- Ask yourself more often ''How is my life fruitfull''' instead of ''What can I get''

- Patience is God's precious gift, don't test it in others

- It's never too late to do and become better 

- There is no all-seeing person

- Every story has morals

Pillars...

Once,

a smart man with an open heart told me - you can easily recognize if someone is authentic and trustworthy by checking on three ''pillars of trust''. The author of those specific pillars is unknown to me, but the pillars have followed me since then: it's the empathy, consistency and logic. To know if you can put trust in someone, you ask yourself three simple questions: Has this person shown true empathy in any situation? Is this person consistent in its words and actions and do they match? Especially through longer period in time. And third, is this person logical? Do their thoughts/words follow simple logic or their ideas seem irrational and out of touch with what's really going on.

1. Empathy

We all love to talk about empathy and most think they naturally have it. You can't know if you lack it, can you? Not if you've never experienced the presence of it. But the person who possesses the empathy (most humans do to, at last to certain amount) can recognize the lack of it in other. Empathy doesn't mean being able to cry at every movie scene there is,  loving your dog's loyal company or being a good listener when it comes to problems of others. There are tears that come to please or own heart. There is adoration of creatures (be it animal or humans) who we selfishly consider and treat as part of our own self, as our own living extension. There is curiosity factor and self approval and self consolation when being the one who listens all details about injustice and hardship in other people's lives. This doesn't mean every good listener has such background and lacks empathy, that tears don't show emotion, or that every mother is narcissistic in her nature. These examples only serve us to understand the nature of true empathy, which doesn't have any self interest, selfish aim or agenda, her only purpose is to detach from our own egos and be as one with other, as we are, in most selfless way there is. 

You will never feel truly seen, accepted or understood in the presence of those who lack empathy. They may act as they hear you, but they listen for other reasons. They observe attentively people around them by measuring the potential benefit they may have through hypothetical interaction with them. They underestimate you secretly,  and others openly. Even if they seem to understand you and others perfectly, they don't comprehend one important thing they lack: the source of existence, love - love for its own sake. Everything that's meaningful, comes from it. Everything else is merely an improvisation, a play, an illusion of living. 

Can a person become more empathetic? Maybe through certain therapy and self work, maybe through living spiritual revelation. You may also notice that the spirituality that interests them is the spirituality of pure self gain, self affirmation and self ascension. It's the illusion of enlightenment that covers their self-oriented life pursuit.

Another thing - you may or may have not noticed that the common thing with addicts is the lack of empathy. It's because those people have lost every connection with the source and others while focusing on the object of their addiction, which has become the artificial master of their complete existence, until there is none left. It is obvious that empathy isn't something to brag about, it's a healthy human trait. When person lacks it, it will naturally focus exclusively on self interest, self pleasing behavior, cynic approach, often diminishing others (secretly or openly). The case with the addicts is only that their range of interests and personal needs become as narrow as it can be. Such behavior can function for a person and feel powerful as long as things go their way. As soon as their plan fails, the person becomes disoriented, angry, malicious, weak, 

The important thing is that when we recognize the lack of true empathy in a person, we can learn when to say no to being a vessel for manipulative operations. And don't forget, those people don't need your compassion or word salad, they need real healing.

2. Consistency

We may be completely amazed by a person's character, approach, attitude, words and even actions. How to know if what we are seeing is true? How can't it be? If it they are changing it often, if those elements contradict each other, these are learnt behavior that serves a person in that specific moment, or a period in time. Yes, we all change through time. We must, it's how we grow. But there is this different kind of change in a person, a sudden change of its thoughts and behavior that make us question our own perception of shared reality. Sometimes a person can intentionally gaslight other person to confuse, to fulfill certain needs or to escape certain consequences. Sometimes it's simply their modus operandi.  People say one thing, and do another, simultaneously or in retrograde. We all tend to fail. But this is not like a broken promise, this is more of a broken character. Yesterday, Michael couldn't stand a cat near him, and today we see him sharing an album of random cats online, inserting love emoticons. Lisa used to preach everyone about the importance of good quality music. Today you wont ever see or hear her mentioning, sharing, or enjoying such music - her recent boyfriend isn't into such things. Months ago, Samantha mocked everyone for wearing a pink lipstick. Today she shares tutorials on how to do trendy Barbie make up and makes good money of it. Tim occasionally gambled in certain desirable social circles, but today he has friends of different social profile and swears by his children he has never seen a Casino.  

Those people don't operate from their inner source. They collect these random ideas from others and put them into mental boxes ''prestige/popular'' or ''not prestige/unpopular'', like a clever (or maybe not so clever) computer program. If the idea matches someone they have in mind as prestigious, popular, cool (usually rich), it's the idea they'll follow. 

When our heart truly changes, we become aware and open about it. That's a real, healthy change. We learn different, better ways. To be more clear, we are inspired everyday by other people's words and actions and most of us wants to create a life that's successful and somewhat approved. But at what cost and for what cause? Whose ideas inspire us to move? If gaining power is the ultimate meaning to our life experience and to who we are, then love is just another instrument to gain desired control, or a poor substitute for power. Then there's nothing else to be or to do except for those things that make us seem special and important on the outside. And as the world trends change, masks change too, until it becomes impossible to remember who some people were and to understand who they are behind them.

The pillar of consistency is similar to the pillar of empathy in terms of recognizing the attitude of being self profit oriented, which is heavily encouraged by the culture we live in. It is not the same to be ambitious and to be ambition obsessed. Also, there are people who are ambitious obsessed but haven't failed the test of consistency or empathy. They might have failed some other tests if you ask their close ones, as we all have after all. If the pillar of empathy is important to understand so that we protect ourselves from being easily taken advantage of, it's important to understand the pillar of consistency to save us from trusting and investing into every interesting story that we meet. Maybe we won't loose much, maybe we wont get heavily hurt, but we will probably get heavily disappointed in our own judgement after certain amount of time.

3. Logic

So the person seems and feels authentic - is aware and sensitive to others, is consistent in words and actions, has shown integrity. Yet you still feel you can't fully trust this person? There is something, but you cannot point your finger to what that is. People might have best intentions, but can lack the ability to form an accurate structure of the reality presented. This can be do to health conditions or other reasons. We all have our personal truths of what we perceive and our life experience shapes our perception. But we still agree on the important parts of one and the same reality that we live in, and when we don't, we usually get into some kinds of conflicts. It's all regular part of our human experience. Some people impose their own perception of reality as one and the only, even when facing all the facts that prove the opposite. They believe the logic is what they want it to be and that truth must suit them. This could be a long passage about mental health, but I'm not psychologist or psychiatrist and this is not a scientific article. The moral of the story is, you cannot trust the kindest and the most honest person if that person is irrational and lacks basic logical observation of the world and people in it. You might taste the bitterness of this truth if you fully put trust in such relationship. You might get sucked into it, get confused, fooled, played, even attacked. We are not talking about dreamers and geniuses who see the world in their own unique way. We are talking about people who both consciously and unconsciously ignore all the facts for the sake of their own personal plot development, their own affirmations and every day functioning. There's always something missing to their story - it's paragraphs of the story themselves - and you'll never get to the conclusion.

___

So those would be the pillars of truth that might help us to differ authenticity from lies, honesty from manipulation and maybe even save us from certain toxic relationships. Once you get burned, you really appreciate all kinds of insights and observations to save yourself from unnecessary pain. The story of inauthentic person doesn't have your own well being in it, invites you in only if you're willing to pay big amount, never gives you credit for it or lets you read the story properly, keeping you in constant question what is it all about. Your story on the other hand is being observed, read, fragmented and eventually denied.

We are all flawed, sometimes toxic and far from perfect empathetic and logical superhuman beings, but being aware of ourselves and others should help us grow in love. Awareness helps us to forgive ourselves and others. But no matter how tolerant we think we should be, we should remind ourselves often that not everyone does the necessary inner work or thinks that inner work is necessary for them. People love to justify each sin and evil while climbing their stairs, so when they meet you on the way, hold on to these pillars, God takes care of open hearts.

The oldest weapon of the enemy

Ideas take us places, make us move and grow. When taken out of context and taken for granted, ideas can turn into most destructive tool. 

Such weapon evil uses to demoralize humans. It's basic, fast and precise. It seeks the core of human being and rarely misses. The verbalized ideas are evil's favorite precious tool, sent out in a special moment. The  words may vary, but never the idea. 

Recognize the patterns immediately:

You are not worthy of your needs.

You are not worthy of your ambition.

You are not worthy of your job.

You are not worthy of love.

You are not worthy of beauty.

You are not worthy of dignity.

You are not worthy of normality.

You are not worthy of happiness.

---- variations ----

You are not that smart

You are not that beautiful

You are not that lovable 

You are not that interesting

You are not that special

You are not that good.

------

Your job is not worthy.

Your education is not worthy.

Your family is not worthy.

Your home is not worthy.

Your life is not worthy.

These ideas are dangerous. Created randomly to shut down each trace of light in people dedicated to their own decent path. 

The ideas may come as non verbal or verbal messages manifested in dark spirit towards specific target, only to become parasites in a person's thought process and finally, an interference to person's self realization. People may start to believe these ideas are their reality, especially when in times of self doubt and hardship - that's when evil loves to kick in. It's then when targeted people will identify themselves as the source of all problems and living proof of these ideas, while slowly giving up on their inner light.

“What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient...highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain, it’s almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed – fully understood – that sticks; right in there somewhere.”

''The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you.''

(Inception, movie, 2010.)

How do they catch on people in the first place? Through random people obviously - even those you may hold close to heart. Notice the obvious difference between healthy criticism and intentional harm. First one should trigger and empower person to improve and the second one wants to drain and destroy the person's potential. The evil sometimes tries to hide behind the lies of self proclaimed healthy criticism, but the lies are all there really is. All the power evil holds comes from robbing the truth and inverting it into lie.

This is how people get injured from early childhood and how deep long lasting wounds are being formed. It's enough for the idea to enter into your thoughts once in a lifetime to mess up with your sense of self. Sometimes it takes years of self work to free one from these mind and soul traps. This happens anywhere, anytime, be it at workplace, in relationships, friendships or random interactions. We cannot change those who have voluntarily decided to collect their necessary highs through devaluation of others. Our first defense is  knowing and recognizing the enemy. The ultimate defense is persisting on the path of truth, love, fearlessness and selflessness. 

It's necessary to reflect on yourself regularly and ask - do I prefer watching people grow or watching people fall? The answer shows on which path you are now. We know which one never invites happiness nor peace. 

They say a lie or ideas repeated multiple times becomes the truth - well, only if you agree to it. When lies become loud and transparent they lose their stolen power. The power stolen from you. You now see how evil is obvious, predictable, lacks creativity, lacks content, lacks permanence and lacks credibility. It even lacks the SELF and doesn't want to get to know you at all. Most of all, it doesn't want you to know YOU either. Think about it, why would that be?

Don't  waste yourself in a fight with vain words and vain ideas. The truth can defend itself alone and wins even in silence. Good intentions have no fear of being misunderstood.The old weapon of self doubt fears the steady ground. Do not underestimate the oldest enemy's weapon, but do not comply with it ever.

Lightholder's curse

Light holders would simply be highly sensitive humans aka regular people who have become rare species due to extremely soul sucking cultural environment. When in their fully empowered mode, they are able to learn, create, invent, share ideas and stuff, but when drained/victimized, they turn into human zombies. They can easily switch from one to another depending on their surrounding. In whichever mode they are, the following should be true (unless there's brain damage, illness or drugs involved):

- they never put themselves in the first place, always reflecting about how their actions affect others

- they don't follow the majority and don't feel comfort in conforming

- popular opinions and trends don't impress them

- money is never the most important aim or priority

- they either can't fall in love and be impressed, or the opposite: they fall in love instantly

- loyal to their interests, ideas, people

- they will sometimes destroy their own peace and well being to do what they feel is right

- the emotional intensity they carry is something they must learn to cope with for a good cause

- because the world is the way it is and their imagination is something else, they will often feel out of place

- the most important thing they will learn is to love themselves 

- spirituality is a natural part of who they are since forever

- people easily stick to them cause they seem to be easy to get along with, are good listeners, but they are also easily left behind due to their high awareness, unexpected stubbornness, and intuition that shakes the unspoken.

- they tend to avoid conflicts because of the emotional overload and because they know that if they let themselves in, they would seriously cross their own moral boundaries

- pacifists by default, aggressive reaction can happen as a response to direct aggressive attack

- they tend to struggle with guilt and are natural perfectionists, must learn to overcome both 

- they may struggle with some kind of phobia, compulsive behavior, anxiety, etc.

- they use humor to hide their disappointment and occasional pessimism 

- they are extremely compassionate toward those who are not able to stand for themselves 

- don't understand the motivation behind exploitative and manipulative behavior and are unable to tolerate it

- no toleration for verbal and non verbal violence, grotesque, perversion

- even when they seem completely superficial, they constantly wonder about the cause and the effect of all that is happening and have strong interest for universal questions

- find pleasure in unusual ideas and stories

- lying feels completely unnatural, suck at playing social roles

- they cry out of rage/disappointment, helps them restore instantly 

- they struggle with tolerating everyday routine even if they have their own little rituals that keep them calm 

- think fast but also wander off fast

- they have no trouble admitting when being wrong and easily forgive people they love

- patience is another huge life lesson, although they regularly put aside their own needs in favor of others. They must learn to discern having healthy boundaries from being uncompromising, those will be tested for sure. 

- as much as they are individualists, they are at their best when among their own kind; this is where their flexibility, creativity and humility shine through

Because of all this they tend to spend many life stages alone and walk through many storms alone, but it helps them to find the meaning they've been searching for their entire life. They must find healthy catalysts of their own inner worlds and emotions and this is how they will gain satisfaction without compromising who they are. Because of all this, they will always be soul sucker's target. The good part is that they heal easily and can recognize like-minded, especially when they learn to discern through life. Bad news is it doesn't happen as often as they would think, because the light holders aren't used to being people seekers as their mission isn't to follow implicit social rules. It is both their blessing and their curse, but once they see where they come from, instead of worrying to find the missing puzzle and numbing their spirit, they will start creating their own doors to become the light they are. It get's dark every once in a while and every living spark counts. 

Hope you'll find your doors or that you have found them already.

<3

“We are mirrors whose brightness is wholly derived from the sun that shines upon us.”

C.S.Lewis

Empty storytellers

How to detect empty storytellers?

We have all met very capable people who are able to create and operate such rich conversation that it seems to be a hard task following them. You might doubt your own mental capacities while overestimating theirs. How to detect empty storytellers from eloquent wise men?

- these people lead never ending and non conclusive monologues

- they repeat themselves (specific memorized phrases and everything they've learned that had certain impact on the listeners)

- they don't ask or expect from you to be active in a conversation, and they don't leave much space for other people's opinions

- they can be very eloquent and sometimes rude when interrupting and not giving attention to other peoples parts, in the same time pointing out this same behavior when it comes from someone else

- negative and judgemental approach (they always know better) 

- during such discussion, you usually forget what was the purpose of the meeting or the given conversation

- they use every situation to reproduce their monologue about their ''high capacities and morals''

- for some reason, they gladly participate in irony and sarcasm but are unable to enjoy in any different kind of humor, so they rarely enjoy the ''innocent laugh''

- there is no fruit from their talk, no work, it's always a status quo

- you feel tired after their presentations and monologues, you have no will to participate in such meetings and ''conversations'' further more

- they observe everything through certain self entitlement and pride, not giving anyone a credit for their own originality, taste or effort

- they offer help simply to be considered as a  ''provider of help'' - no true compassion or selfless aim

- they proudly accentuate  they follow rules, which they really don't - they use laws and rules argument  to stay far from any real action and intervention; and if they do follow the rules obediently ever, it is only for their own self interest and promotion; there is also no natural and intuitive distinction between good or bad, so they are obsessed with pointing things on golden paper.

- they are usually successful in what they want to accomplish since they are obsessed with their social role/status, even if they promote the exact opposite attitude.

- they are natural liars, not easy to detect immediately either

 

How to deal with these people in family, work and social life/How to defend yourself?

Do not participate in discussion - if you're already there, let them speak, but don't let them drain you. Your every attempt to take a place as an equal interlocutor will cause a frustration. Minimize the opportunities to interact with them. Use short and neutral sentences. Stick to the obvious facts. Be too busy to participate in these discussions and meetings. Agree and then move on to your own thing. If they insist on demoralizing younand others, while making themselves the managers of the topic, offer to pass on to them authority and responsibility to solve certain problem. Write down everything you do so you can not be victimized by their gaslighting. If you do feel weakened and they continue to drain, you have the right to say this anytime: I have to interrupt because I don't feel well from this conversation. I do have all the facts now cleared up. Thank you and goodbye. 

Just keep the emotions low from predators and breath deeply. You are not obliged to serve their own needs even when they do their best to justify it. 

The emotions are always their food.

Be blessed and stay sane.

Wizard of Oz, 1939.

The magic circle of deception

The magic circle of deception or the vampiric circle - the fear directly feeds the addiction although the person may not be aware of that deeply rooted core emotion. 

The concept of addiction may refer to any kind of dependency or co-dependency in life, be it people, substances, activities, etc. 

Each one of the emotions is expressed directly or through  seeking it's complementary element (vanity - lack of dignity; absence of love - lust for love, fear - seeking danger). Addiction remains as it is. Addiction loves to multiply itself and that means multiplied sin.

The circle pushes all the people connected to it to the extremes - it's either overwhelming or numbing. To break the circle one must get out of his comfort zone (comfort zone doesn't have to mean a cozy place). 

One must break the obvious connections to this elements and change the context of everyday life; to sacrifice the ego and take a risk of being exposed to the plain light, the truth. 

''For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.'' Luke 9:24

Uncovering the enemy

I'm gonna start something different here and share some everyday thoughts on the effects of certain human behavior and dangers of interactive toxicity. 

Without being a psychologist or a self-help supporter, I have witnessed different patterns of covert victimizing and I have studied them for long time. I am pleased to see that these kind of subjects have become common part of mainstream media in the last few years, as the toxic human behavior has become spread, sadly, worse than Covid-19 virus. Talking about narcissism as the most trending subject. 

I'm not gonna professionally label any of such behavior, although I do believe in psychological labels. Reading about narcissism in relationships and working places, naming it and talking about it with different people has opened my eyes to realness and seriousness of these diseases and possible dangerous consequences to anyone who has walked near these parts of hell. 

I'm gonna speak from pure intuition and almost a spiritual urge to heal myself while I may help someone else.

Before you read my words, you should educate yourself first on the basics of mental disorders and trauma symptoms, on possible consequences of interacting and co-living with toxic personalities, such as narcissistic personas, different kind of abusers, abuse symptoms, victim mentality, possible ways of healing, etc.

How to defend yourself in front of all these toxicity you may find? First way is recognizing what is toxic. And then, when you know your enemy, you know what to do.

So I'm gonna make my own labels to simplify these things, but never to underestimate the complexity and seriousness of them. Maybe I'll  steal some names from the popular existing self-help content. The most important thing, for me at least, is to understand these things on everyday basics and how they function, so that people with similar sensitivity to the world can find ways to protect their souls and spare themselves from the pain they don't have to make their own.

1. People can suck your energy for real. Some do it on purpose, some are not aware of it.

2. You have every right to leave the suckers place, even if you think its gonna hurt them, and even if you think the sucker is a good person. You don't help a junkie if you give him candy money.

3. You have been a blood sucking victim if you feel so drained at the end of a day as if you haven't slept at all (even you slept at least 7 hours and even you have no objective reason to feel so exhausted) and you have no strength for any activity outside of what you have to do on a regular basis every day.

4. You have been a blood sucking victim if you feel you have lost your mental clarity and the gift of talk, if you tend to isolate yourself because you feel as if you have lost all the words and your own voice, even breath. You feel you can't keep focus on anything.

5. You might have been a blood sucking victim if you started to get headaches more often, if you feel you should gain your energy from the sweets and unhealthy diet.

6. You have been a blood sucking victim every time you feel a sudden loss of life energy and optimism after interaction with a certain person - a sudden mild fever, a sudden drop in self-esteem, invasion of self-doubt, irrational irritability and moodiness.

7. Blood suckers have no sense for the other or sense of moderation. They use your personal time as if there's no one but them and their story. Your sense of time and personal space mean nothing, as well as your needs and your own life story.  They love to talk a lot, mostly about their super self, and when one on one - they don't have the urge to stop, ever. 

8. Blood suckers choose their people wisely. People who impress them, people to impress. People who are financially satisfied, social butterflies, people who flatter them, people of their personal use and interest. Their partners are often financially secure or wealthy, intelligent, successful, or good looking. Their friends are their admirers. They show their true feelings and behavior when confronted to a certain person for a longer period of time - manipulation, lies, rage, impatience, intolerance, immorality.  

9. You may get sudden rash or urge to scratch yourself when in their personal space and presence for a longer time. You may see unusual things, as bugs where there usually are none, technology malfunctioning, etc.

10. Blood suckers are in different ways very charming. They are often more intelligent than they act, but less intelligent than they believe they actually are. Some of them are acting as intelligent as they believe they are, but their only weapon is the stolen energy, stolen personalities and fast learning - fast copying mechanism. How smart they will present themselves depends on their target and manipulation method they'll use. If they are female and good looking, they may go for the superficial seduction card, same goes with males. It also depends more on their personal value system/ambitions.

11. As we said, they are professional copy-cats. Their art is copying everything they find personally appealing. Their inspiration source is never internal. They have no shame in proclaiming someone else's work or idea as their own. They aren't loyal to their tastes and life choices as they have no idea who they really are.

12. You may be fooled into thinking they are super emotional beings. Blood suckers have no mature empathy. Their tears are the tears of a wounded child who lost their toy as they can cry easily.

13. Blood sucking partners show their true, sometimes hidden, aggressive side when they feel their partner caught their bait or when they feel threatened by truth. Aggression can be verbal, physical, passive, loud, silent, and it is a natural part of the blood sucker's character. It comes in a package with manipulative behavior, lying, cheating, gas lighting, stealing. This is where the other partner realizes something is seriously off, this is where other partner's soul slowly fades away in serious mental pain.

14. Their general motivation is always external - recognition, money, fame, praise, social approval. Their fear is public shame and they fear the truth. Like a vampire fears the light. 

15. Blood sucking parents are over controlling, often projecting on their children, making them feel as if they are in eternal debt for being born. They raise them in the atmosphere of panic, in the state of constant potential danger and they often use emotional blackmailing to control their emotions and behavior. They shame their children's personal choices, be it in friendship, love, career. All of this may be common in any family, but when in toxic ones, it's all very dominant and there's no place for love, peace and happy childhood or adulthood later. These children aren't allowed to grow as free, confident and unique individuals.

16. Blood suckers have very often some other kind of addictive behavior other than other's people blood hunger. They may be drinkers, adrenaline hunters, have eating disorders, shopping obsession, promiscuity, etc. This doesn't mean any person with this kind of behavior is a blood sucker. Some people have many wounds to heal, some have learnt certain behavior from their close environment, while some really do not choose the means to get a fix of current pleasure, at any cost.

17. Blood suckers are interested in you as long as you are a mystery to them. They are not interested in real people.They are the only ones who are real in their own world. Don't think they can understand your own pain or perspective - yours is usually irrelevant. As long as you play the role of their own personal idea, they will show interest - until they meet another idea. It takes some time to clean yourself from their toxicity even when it lasted short. In that process you may catch yourself carrying their emotional ''clothes'' - negative emotions, attitudes, words, certain motions. It's the consequence of mutual ''feeding'' and co-dependency - unhealthy relationship, and it will wear off in separation like everything else.

18. Strangely, as much as they are irrational or self centered, their intuition works perfectly in their benefit. Like wild animals, they sense when things don't work for them, they sense when they are close to being exposed, or when something doesn't go according to their plan. They can read your body language when they want to, but you can always fool them back by pretending you admire them in any way, since it's their favorite thing to believe in. Why would you to that? Well, let's say you don't want to have conflict with these people and sometimes the smartest thing you can do is leave with a fake smile.

19. They somehow come to your life when there's something beautifully happening to your soul. When you are getting close to God, or whatever you believe in, when you get close to the importance of life through any kind of selfless love, when you get that coin of simple luck, or you might just be a perfect bait. Maybe you are a simply a passionate and selfless person by nature. But as much as this will hurt, all these words mean nothing unless you experience them, and you will. You will become an expert and no blood sucker will ever be able to hurt you again or make you question yourself, your pure intuitive soul which came here for a reason. Let's call you a lightholder, cause that's what you are.

20. Lightholders are often born into and lead to blood sucking environments. Don't let this make you believe you are here to change the blood sucker - whatever is happening, you were never responsible for these people and you are not here to change them nor you are able to. You can help in your own way, but your responsibility is to protect yourself and sometimes maybe other people. Your path is to grow in love and help other lightholders grow. God has made all of us so different and each one of us has a secret weapon to survive in this world. Survival mode is a regular mode for the lightholders, don't feel guilt because of it and don't make anyone make you believe something is off with you. This whole world is in survival mode and your heart is a healthy part of it. Most of the time. Keep the faith.

There's more to this, but let's stick to number 20 and pretend we are smarter than five minutes ago. When falling down, it's good to remind ourselves some things over and over again just to get back on the track. Our hearts are more forgetful than we think. Also when flying high, it's even more important not to forget the surprising ways life can lead us to the purest light we've been created for. Even if that means terrible pain.

"You are a funny animal," he said at last. "You are no thicker than a finger . . ."

"But I am more powerful than the finger of a king," said the snake.

The little prince smiled.

"You are not very powerful. You haven't even any feet. You cannot even travel . . ."

"I can carry you farther than any ship could take you," said the snake.

He twined himself around the little prince's ankle, like a golden bracelet.

"Whomever I touch, I send back to the earth from whence he came," the snake spoke again. "But you are innocent and true, and you come from a star . . ."

The little prince made no reply.

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