How to detect empty storytellers?
We have all met very capable people who are able to create and operate such rich conversation that it seems to be a hard task following them. You might doubt your own mental capacities while overestimating theirs. How to detect empty storytellers from eloquent wise men?
- these people lead never ending and non conclusive monologues
- they repeat themselves (specific memorized phrases and everything they've learned that had certain impact on the listeners)
- they don't ask or expect from you to be active in a conversation, and they don't leave much space for other people's opinions
- they can be very eloquent and sometimes rude when interrupting and not giving attention to other peoples parts, in the same time pointing out this same behavior when it comes from someone else
- negative and judgemental approach (they always know better)
- during such discussion, you usually forget what was the purpose of the meeting or the given conversation
- they use every situation to reproduce their monologue about their ''high capacities and morals''
- for some reason, they gladly participate in irony and sarcasm but are unable to enjoy in any different kind of humor, so they rarely enjoy the ''innocent laugh''
- there is no fruit from their talk, no work, it's always a status quo
- you feel tired after their presentations and monologues, you have no will to participate in such meetings and ''conversations'' further more
- they observe everything through certain self entitlement and pride, not giving anyone a credit for their own originality, taste or effort
- they offer help simply to be considered as a ''provider of help'' - no true compassion or selfless aim
- they proudly accentuate they follow rules, which they really don't - they use laws and rules argument to stay far from any real action and intervention; and if they do follow the rules obediently ever, it is only for their own self interest and promotion; there is also no natural and intuitive distinction between good or bad, so they are obsessed with pointing things on golden paper.
- they are usually successful in what they want to accomplish since they are obsessed with their social role/status, even if they promote the exact opposite attitude.
- they are natural liars, not easy to detect immediately either
How to deal with these people in family, work and social life/How to defend yourself?
Do not participate in discussion - if you're already there, let them speak, but don't let them drain you. Your every attempt to take a place as an equal interlocutor will cause a frustration. Minimize the opportunities to interact with them. Use short and neutral sentences. Stick to the obvious facts. Be too busy to participate in these discussions and meetings. Agree and then move on to your own thing. If they insist on demoralizing younand others, while making themselves the managers of the topic, offer to pass on to them authority and responsibility to solve certain problem. Write down everything you do so you can not be victimized by their gaslighting. If you do feel weakened and they continue to drain, you have the right to say this anytime: I have to interrupt because I don't feel well from this conversation. I do have all the facts now cleared up. Thank you and goodbye.
Just keep the emotions low from predators and breath deeply. You are not obliged to serve their own needs even when they do their best to justify it.
The emotions are always their food.
Be blessed and stay sane.
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| Wizard of Oz, 1939. |
